Radical Reflections: Passionate Opinions on Teaching, Learning and Living by Mem Fox
I'm pretty sure I read Mem's other book, Reading Magic: Why Reading Aloud to Our Children Will Change Their Lives in one day also. These are great books for teachers. And although I am not a school teacher, as a mom, I do consider myself a partner with my children's schools in their education. I think of every experience as a learning one from sitting and counting money with Eddie, reading a traffic sign phonetically with Christopher to eating out in a restaurant as a family.
Mem says that everything we write matters because someone is going to read it. How will it affect them? What will the response be if any? It is our job to teach children that writing is fun and good writing is power. Those who write well have more power and therefore more control over their lives. I found this very interesting since I've been working on journal writing with Eddie, one of the reasons this book was of particular interest to me at this time. Mem says that writing is not a product it is an interaction.
Books should amuse and enthuse. If a child's home is not filled with books, the child will not be immersed in books, the child will not be an avid reader, the child will probably be an avid TV watcher.
There is a "heart" side of teaching. It comes from a parent or a really great teacher, what Mem calls "a sweetness of spirit." A bond between the reader and the read to. A shared experience. A warmth. This feeling, this experience is a big part of instilling a child's love for books and reading. From my personal experience with the boys I know this is so true and I think it's the most important part of teaching and learning. (Vanessa, that's why I think you should definitely go back to teaching someday. You're such a natural. Our kids need more teachers like you! I hope you don't mind me putting that on the internet!)
Mem says, aim for the stars, not the mud! If you don't have the highest expectations for your kids how do you know you're not underestimating them?
Mem Fox totally inspires me. High on my wishlist of children's books is now Feathers and Fools an antiwar allegory.
I also finished "Mom, Jason's Breathing On Me! The Solution to Sibling Bickering" by Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D.
While I'm very familiar with the topic of this book it is also one that totally eludes & frustrates me almost everyday! And I really do think that the boys, all three of them, truly get along amazingly well for the most part. But still.....this book seemed to jump right into my hand at the library!
Maybe it's because I'm an only child that I have such a hard time with this aspect of parenting. I've never experienced sibling bickering because I have no siblings. How serious is it? Should the kids be left to work it out or should I be constantly be intervening - as I do now. I think and worry about this A LOT. I just have no idea and btw, would just love any comments and opinions on this topic!
One of my deepest desires for my boys is that they maintain the bond they have now forever. I want them to be each others best friends for life. I always wished I'd had that sibling bond and I feel very strongly that it is a gift that I want to nurture, preserve and protect for them. I see other families where the adult siblings have cut off from each other for various reasons and it makes me sad. I would do almost anything to be sure that never happens to these three boys. And yet, with my constant intervening I wonder if I could be actually contributing to just the opposite, in fact this book seems to imply so.
I read the book and as far as I'm concerned the jury is still out. It was definitely an interesting read and I am planning to test it out on the kids. Here are some points that struck me.
There has been a revolution in the child-raising practice in the last two generations that has totally transformed the parent-child relationship. The use of harsh punishment is no longer considered acceptable. There is ingrained in our culture today a line past which parents may not go. The result, kids today are not afraid of their parents the way they were in the past. And this is a good thing!
The book addressed all of my worries such as the older ones taking advantage of the younger ones, the meanness & hurtfulness of name calling ( how damaging is babyhead & poopyhead really? I'm not sure!). The book says that what goes on between siblings just isn't the same as what goes on out in the world. They are different together at home than they are out there. There is a safety at home and with each other that brings out their "baby selves." The bickering just doesn't have that much meaning amongst siblings. Is this true? I would love for anyone reading this blog who has experience and opinions on this to comment because I am really and truly at a loss on this one!
The book also says that constant intervening and coming to the rescue of the younger ones may actually teach them to become a "victim" rather than learning to "counter punch" and stand up for themselves. This interaction among siblings is necessary practice and a type of skill building for the real world.
I worry about their bickering hurting their self-esteem. But the book says that what goes on between siblings exists mainly in a realm separate from self-esteem. It is a realm that is far more about getting stuff, competition for attention and competition for space.
Basically he says to stay out of it until there is a point where either someone is inflicting physical harm or you just can't listen to it anymore. Then when you do intervene you are simply to instruct them both to stop, separate them but never take sides, always refuse to get anymore involved than that and never, ever take sides.
Sigh - I guess I can TRY to give it a try.....
Any thoughts?
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